Shark week may be the greatest event in television today. It appeals to one of the most basic notions of human existense: Sharks are terrifying. And awesome. They are alternately awesomely terrifying and terrifyingly awesome. I'm going to have sharks on the mind all week, so it became unavoidable that I would do a little piece on the sharks of the sports world.San Jose Sharks
- The winner of the original naming contest was the "Blades," but the name was deemed too violent. Naturally, "Sharks" was the non-violent alternative. You know, because Sharks doesn't convey violence at all. Any sort of fear the name might have inspired was negated by the team color, teal. All in all, I never understood the logic of naming a hockey team after aquatic animals. The water is frozen. It just seems incongruous.Greg Norman
- Poor Greg Norman. Although his logo is pretty cool. Nice hat too. I really don't want to say anything mean about the guy.Jeff Samardzija
- Nicknamed not for his athletic prowess or killer instinct, Samardzija is simply called "Shark" because he looks like a shark. Although one can assume he is as personable as those killers of the deep because he goes to Notre Dame, collegiate center of jackasses.Ron Jaworski
-One of my favorite ESPN personalities, Jaws mostly breaks down tape for NFL Matchup. No one does more with less. He only really talks about one play per week.Drew Rosenhaus
- Essentially nicknamed himself in his book A Shark Never Sleeps
. Another chapter in his long story of douchebaggery. (And some sharks do sleep...in their own sharky way.)EA Tiburon
- The wonderful people who make Madden. They are why when you create a franchise, the default name is Tiburon and the default logo is a shark. Easily the greatest sharks of the sports world.Update: Miami Sharks
- Per Matt's suggestion, the fictional team of Any Given Sunday
. The decision making process for that team name can be summed by Lenny Leonard: "Uh-oh! Sharks! The assassins of the sea!... Oooh. You're not sharks. You're dolphins. The clowns of the sea."
Thats all for now. If I missed anything--and I'm sure I did--leave it in the comments or e-mail me. I'll leave you with these words of wisdom from Quint, one of the greatest characters in cinematic history:
"Here's to swimming with bowlegged women."